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Your Options - Adoption

Say what you mean and act how you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

A-Loving-Choice

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How the Process Works

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Adoption Basics

If you are just beginning to research adoption as an option for you and your baby, rest assured that many people have walked this path before you. The process and laws that have been created throughout many years of experience are there to help protect you and your child.

In my opinion, the best thing about adoption today, is the fact that the whole world has moved much more toward the 'open' relationships. The days of placing a child for adoption and never ever knowing if that child is even alive or dead . . . thank God, those days are gone. I believe the open relationships are extremely healthy for everyone involved.

The first thing you need to know is that the choice is yours. If you are of legal age, the only two people on the face of the earth that have any legal rights concerning this adoption are you and the birthfather. Every state has slightly different adoption laws, and in a few states even a birthmother as young as 13 can place a baby for adoption without parental permission.

Another important thing you should know is that no state will allow you to fully terminate your parental rights until after the baby is born. So what this means is that you can work with us, choose a family, and have a full adoption plan in place, but you still have the right to change your mind about placing your baby for adoption all the way up until after the baby is born . . . but before you sign the final termination of parental rights papers. Again, every state has different adoption laws. In some states you can terminate your rights with an attorney, while other states require that you go in front of a Judge. If you go in front of a Judge, they will simply question you about your decision . . . to make sure that is truly what you choose to do, and that no one has forced you into making this decision.

Placing a baby for adoption is a very difficult decision to make . . . and it is a decision that you will live with every day for the rest of your life. So you need to be as comfortable with your decision as you can possibly be. The thing that I see that seems to help most ladies become more comfortable with their decision, is actually in the process of choosing an adoptive family and getting to know that family long before the baby is born. But these decisions are yours. You choose the family, you choose the type of relationship you want to have with the adoptive family both before and after the baby is born, and you decide how you want things to happen at the hospital. You are the one that needs to be as comfortable as you can possibly be with this process, so you make the plan.

Can you ever be completely sure of your decision? Probably not. But regardless, life often forces us to make these important life shaping decisions. All you can do is gather as much information as you can, gather the support of your friends and family, gather your strength, courage, and faith, and make your choice. You are the only one that can make this decision about placing your baby for adoption, and you are the only one that can then make that decision right or wrong. After placing your baby for adoption, you can get up every day for the rest of your life and beat yourself up over your decision, or . . . you can get up everyday for the rest of your life with the faith and confidence in yourself, that you did what you needed to do at this time and point in your life.

In every adoption someone celebrates and someone grieves . . . that is just the way it is. If you choose to place your baby for adoption, you will be on the grieving side, and we will help you prepare for this. You can't possibly carry a baby for nine months and not bond with it. And this grief is just like any other type of grief in that the only thing that truly helps is time. It will get easier with every day that passes, and we will help you get through this with lots of listening, love, and hugs.

How Our Process Works

When you are ready to start an adoption plan, contact us by calling or emailing to let us know. We will begin by asking you about two pages worth of basic name, address, due date type questions over the phone, or by email. By the way, the process I am describing here is our normal process. If you are calling from the hospital after a delivery, or are due in two days, we will do whatever it takes to help you quickly make an adoption plan. But in the standard process, we will gather our two pages worth of basic information from you, then we will place a more in depth questionnaire into postal mail for you. This questionnaire is mostly family medical history, including a birthfather section, with some questions about your desires and feelings about making an adoption plan. Also included is a medical release form that you are to sign and return with the packet. This medical release gives us permission to contact your doctor and verify that you are carrying a healthy baby. You return the completed packet along with proof of pregnancy to us through postal mail (an addressed and stamped envelope is provided). Proof of pregnancy is any document that you have that has your name on it, and the fact that you are pregnant. Once we receive this completed paperwork, we can begin your search for the right adoptive family.

The adoptive families that we work with are all required to be Home Study approved. A Home Study is where they are interviewed in depth by a social worker. The social worker visits their home, goes over their finances with them, and does a criminal background check on them. In the end they are given the stamp of approval that their home would be a good home to place a child in.

We also have our adoptive families prepare a 'family profile'. This family profile is a 'Dear Birthmother letter' along with pictures of themselves, their home, their other children if they have any. This profile is what we then send to you so you can begin looking the families over. Maybe one family stands out to you and you say 'this is the family', or maybe you are having trouble deciding and would like to have a phone conversation with several of the families. Many of our families are also presented here on our website. But whatever it takes, we help you find the right family for your baby.

The relationship you want to have with your selected family . . . both before birth and after placement is completely up to you. All parties must be in agreement.

Once you have your family selected, then we move to get the professionals required by your state in place where you are. Professionals located close to you will provide counseling and legal representation for you. They will gather the adoption information required by your state and file the proper papers to complete the legal part of the adoption. None of this will cost you. The adoptive family pays for all the legal and counseling work to be done. Throughout the entire process, A Loving Choice will continue to be your advocate and stay by your side throughout the entire adoption process. And hopefully, we can stay in touch even after it is all said and done . . . because by then I am hoping that we are truly good friends.

Every state has different adoption laws that will affect the way your process is handled. Most states, but not all states do allow for birthmother living expenses. In states where it is allowed, the adoptive family can assist you in paying your expenses while you are pregnant, and for a short while after delivery. Allowed expenses are supposed to be for necessities like food, rent, utilities, and medical.

We promise to help you through every step of your adoption. Whatever your needs are, we are available 24 hours a day and 7 days a week . . . even if all you need is someone to talk to.

Getting Started

Just call Phyllis toll free at 800-321-2070 or contact us here.

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